eternal sunshine on the spotless mind

Invictus

Stefan — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 05:59:10 +0000

I first visited South Africa in 2009 and it will be forever a special place to me. It was there that I did a last-minute application for the US-Austrian Journalism Fellowship. It was there that I learned how a country came to be guided by one man’s will and million people’s wishes. It was at Robben Island where I saw that a prison cell can never contain a strong mind. My new life brought me back to South Africa just a few days ago visiting Johannesburg and Port Elizabeth. The scars are still there, everywhere to be seen. But the wounds are healing and there is a special sentiment among South Africans that can be only described by this

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I believe.

Share on Facebook

Herbst

Stefan — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 18:10:07 +0000

It’s one my personal favourites by Rilke.

Die Blätter fallen, fallen wie von weit,
als welkten in den Himmeln ferne Gärten;
sie fallen mit verneinender Gebärde.

Und in den Nächten fällt die schwere Erde
aus allen Sternen in die Einsamkeit.

Wir alle fallen. Diese Hand da fällt.
Und sieh dir andre an: es ist in allen.

Und doch ist Einer, welcher dieses Fallen
unendlich sanft in seinen Händen hält.

I believe.

Share on Facebook

72 hours of mikko

Stefan — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 15:08:28 +0000

I just spent three days with my son while Astrid was away. The most intense, beautiful and rewarding days I could imagine. Love carries.

Share on Facebook

2011, the hours.

Stefan — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 13:53:24 +0000

In January “I” turned into “we”.
In February I added life to my days.
In March it was about someone like you.
In April I felt like I shoulda, coulda, woulda.
In May it was about life in a nutshell.
In June we were due south.
In July I understood that no man is an island.
In August my heart knew things before my mind did.
In September I left what I loved.
In October it was a new beginning.
In November I dreamed special dreams in St. Pete.
In December I found peace of mind.

When I walked out the very office I had worked in for over 8 years I cried. I cried because I felt I had failed. I cried because I felt I had betrayed myself. Because over those crazy, beautiful, sobering and stunning 8 years I firmly had started to believe that being a journalist, a storyteller, a person who would make this world a better place by telling about it was my calling. I felt I had given up. Even from a distance those tears did not go to waste. I left what I loved. Three months later the passion is still there, but I do see how beautifully things worked out. I love my family, I love my life and I wish you all the best for 2012.

I believe.

Share on Facebook

Special dreams.

Stefan — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:58:26 +0000

I drove down the highway to St. Pete from Tampa Airport just as I had done when I moved to Florida in spring 2009. The times might have changed but the excitement was right there. I remember why I had come here and why I had to leave. Visiting the St. Pete Times was unreal. Looking back coming here, working there and then having to leave was larger than life. I often wished the story would have had a different ending. But then again life doesn’t always ask for a second opinion. However, great moments never let you go.

I believe.

Share on Facebook

early mornings.

Stefan — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 07:54:18 +0000

And if the lights draw you in
And the dark can take you down
And love can mend your heart
But only if you’re lucky now
- Ryan Adams, Lucky Now

I remember days when I couldn’t fall asleep without music. I’d put on “Anna Begins”, “Round Here” or some other Counting Crow song. I had them on repeat while I slowly drifted away. Whenever I get up early with Mikko I put the music on – Bruce, Tracy Chapman, U2, The Stones, Ryan Adams. He’d carefully listen to the first chords and then start to wave his hands. Sometimes I pick him up, hug him and then we’d slowly dance. As a parent you wish these moments would last forever but they don’t. The good news is – they just make room for the next moment. Love is not a single epic second. It’s all these small little moments when – though he does not speak yet – he knows that he will be forever loved.

I believe.

Share on Facebook

Leaving II.

Stefan — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 22:54:55 +0000

Oh, look at me
At all I’ve done
I’ve lost so many things that I so dearly love
I lost my soul
I lost my pride.

I believe,

Share on Facebook

Leaving.

Stefan — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 20:34:41 +0000

Leaving journalism is hard, harder than I ever imagined. But it’s the right thing to do at the right time in my life. Still I will miss it from the bottom of my heart.

I believe.

Share on Facebook

It tolls for thee.

Stefan — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 07:43:35 +0000

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were. Any man’s death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. John Donne

Sometimes it strikes me how some people come through and change the lives of millions. I pause and ask myelf: What have I done?

I believe.

Share on Facebook

chasing

Stefan — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 06:25:14 +0000

We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

Thumbs up, if you listened to Snow Patrol (thanks Axel!) a long time before they were on Grey’s.

I believe.

Share on Facebook