eventually all things merge into one.
while some kids might have a natural attraction to secret places, our attic was never of much interest to me. it took me 23 years, 5 months and some days to re-discover what i missed. it’s like your memory’s playground. the circle has been closed. i found some of grandad’s [...]
The path less travelled.
Right now I see my friends and colleagues here with a life so different for my own, one that I even envy. A life filled with kids, their own homes and most of all, someone to share it all with, the good and the bad. More than ever I want these [...]
to freely draw upon imagination.
cats are unbelievable. i just had the honor of being allowed to watch my tomcat patrol his territory. as the sunlight tickles him, he moves with the shadows. sometimes i question who follows whom. bearing a cat’s mind, i believe it was the shadow. sanna used to call me a [...]
landungsbrücken raus.
mia, i know you’ll be reading this. i guess i just want you to know how often i think of you, finland, jyväskylä and the good moments we shared. whenever i sit down to write, i think of the people i love, the people i care about. even if they are spread out [...]
whenever god shines his light.
Whenever God shines his light on me
Opens up my eyes so I can see
When I look up in the darkest night
I know everything’s going to be alright
In deep confusion, in great despair
When I reach out for him he is there
When I am lonely as I can be
I believe.
PS: It’s Beachvolleyball-time [...]
maybe the best is yet to come.
it’s what i am thinking of constantly. what if this is the big test for us. the big lesson on love, trust and friendship. i made so many mistakes, i don’t know where to start fixing all of them. but then i remember quiet moments, filled with love. [...]
die sehnsucht wird nicht still.
cleaning up your music collection can really turn you upside down. so many songs i thought i had forgotten about. so many that remind me of my time away. songs that smelled like finland in fall or sweden in winter. songs full of home-sickness and moments to remember. songs [...]
so far down, away from the sun that shines into the darkest place.
sometimes i wonder when all the energy will start flowing back. sometimes i think i just spread it out too far, wanting to do everything, being everywhere. why can’t i just focus? on life, love, job and my university career? right now it [...]
stauffenberg.
on july 20th 1944 the german colonel and chief of staff for the replacement army of the german wehrmacht Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg became a tragic hero and the most vivid sign of the german resistance in the 3rd reich. while the bomb he planted failed to kill the führer, the message it sent [...]
No one ever said it would be this hard.
I remember my 22nd birthday. I remember how lonely I felt being in Finland, far away from home, my friends, my life. During those days, Sanna was by my side. I remember me listening to coldplay’s “the scientist” time after time, unknown it would become my very [...]
when you bleed just to know you’re alive.
it’s like the empty sky bruce springsteen wrote about. when you lose someone so essential to your life, everyathing feels like a big vacuum. you’re sucked in and there seems to be no way out. while i live, i don’t feel alive. right now i feel numb and [...]
Say something profound, Em.
For some reason still unknown to me, when things are going badly or everything is just a bit confused, my sisters expect me to miraculously save the day. Perhaps they are not the only ones, but last weekend it was my little sister who wanted wisdom on demand. As always I gave [...]
And when the stars fall, I will lie awake.
As I am writing these lines I am looking back on more than three years with Sanna. Three years that showed my best and worst. Three years that had dip me through emotions I’d never know before. Feelings I never knew existed and worlds unknown to me. [...]
and love dares you to care
for the people on the edge of the night.
what we love alters us in some way. sometimes even in a bad way. when i saw an ambulance driving away from an accident site, what i love kicked in and i realized it in a horrible way. i realized that what [...]
every single moment’s tear.
yesterday, i once again figured what it means to be good friends with someone. when theresa moved to klagenfurt, i instantly knew that she’d have no problems finding friends and that our friendship what slowly fade to the background to make room for her new impressions, feelings and friends. yesterday she called [...]
she will be loved.
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on [...]
What God brings together, let no man put asunder.
It sounds weird but I really believe in it. Went to Marie’s wedding yesterday and besides the priest making a big show out of it (and believe me he had his share of the fun) I really enjoyed it. I love churches and quiet franky all the [...]