all these faces.
sitting at frankfurt airport. five days in finland behind me, the best of them all the last real day sanna and me spent together. if breaking up a relationship can ever have a gentle touch, this one had it. sitting here between all these nameless faces i remember one of the best days [...]
Insanity laughs under pressure we’re.
A gentle rain pushed down on Helsinki at ten minutes before one. Like it or not, up north, the weather is far from predictable. Looking out of my window in Pohjois-Haaga 20 minutes from the center of Helsinki the wind bends the trees, takes down their leaves. To me, it could [...]
back in town.
for 48 consecutive hours i haven’t been able to wipe the smile from my face. i’ll be back in town, back in finland, back with the people. i’ll meet päivi tomorrow, i’ll see sanna on friday. back to the baltic – life is beautiful.
i believe.
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Wachet auf! ruft uns die Stimme. (Sleepers Awake)
I woke up to Bach yet again. I’ve made a custom out of putting some random playlist on when I go to bed and classical music reminds me of weekends with grandad. He used to put it on as loud as possible, sit in his chair, his eyes [...]
Just a candle in the window.
There’s good and bad days. On those bad days all I can figure is, that I left my life, my wishes and dreams together with you somewhere beyond the Baltic sea buried under the memories of dreams. How can I conquer the world if my world ends right on a [...]
dive.
it’s the very first secons you dive into water. peaceful silence, for the fraction of a moment you leave the world behind, all the sounds, people and things on the surface far above you melt into the sunrays coming through the water. everytime i am out at the lake i think of this feeling. even [...]
worth so much more than that.
You think that nothing can be worse than losing someone close to you, like a family member, but this week I learnt that to lose a colleague is at least as hard. There is nowhere to escape to, no refuge at work, but rather constant reminders everywhere you turn. [...]
my finest hour.
raindrops in my mind. i just read a quote that goes to the regard of a tear being the single most moving affection a human being can show. i hardly ever cry and if then i cry all by myself. i envy those, that can show their emotions and affections when they feel [...]
trapped.
Good will conquer
Evil
And the truth will
set me free
And I know some
day I will find
the key
I know
somewhere I will
find the key
i believe.
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and you give yourself away.
i’m getting philosophical. i just wrote an email and was looking for my perfect self-description and came up with…extroverted loneliness. i should be renamed ernest. see, i did it again. though i am trying to be perfectly serious i make a goof out of myself again. reality bites.
i believe.
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und wenn ein lied…
remember the boomtown rats singing “i don’t like mondays”? i love mondays. they give a sense of hope to my world. another sunrise, another week, another chance. i’ll never know what the week will bring to me, what i will make happen and what will happen to me. as there are no [...]
zurück zu dir.
10 days before i go to finland. 10 days. my average friday: i started with the idea of doing an interview with some old metereologist lady who lives on a mountian all by herself reading the data from a weather station. wrong. instead of doing that i ended up at an old, run-down [...]
somewhere only we know.
it was the most beautiful, tearful and honest talk sanna and me had in months. you have to hold on tho those rare occasions, when things just click and suddenly you are able to talk about the things that were hidden deep down inside you for months. i was driven by fear [...]
look at the stars.
do it. look above, count the stars, feel small and enjoy it. just came home, for the first time in weeks a clear sky and countless stars were waiting for their audience to take a seat and be enjoyed on a spotless summernight’s sky. life is beautiful.
i believe.
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full circle.
Today my parents are in Linz. To discover for themselves the country, the city and the people who so captured my heart and perhaps understand how that year changed me.
Today I also went on a bit of journey of my own. A journey that took me past all the places I ever lived in [...]
so what’s beyond?
sometimes i wonder how people around me behave? do they seriously take me for who i am? do they seriously take me for what i want to be, what i want to become? while i know, i can’t always behave the way i really want to be, i think i deserve a chance. [...]
sometimes timing is everything.
I went there tonight, against all advice and my better judgement, but I just had to know once and for all. Good or bad all those memories came flooding back. Memories of my mistakes 8 years ago and of so much that has or came so close to transpiring since.
Again the timing [...]
run.
booked my ticket to finland. enough of all the complaints, enough of all the tears and dark moments. i’m in charge of this and only i and my decisions can get me out of this. i’m going to finland to see weither it’s a long kiss goodbye or the renewal of the dreams we shared. [...]
grazed knees.
I’m trying not to stare, it’s too late
The blankets over there, if you like
I’m broken and I’m colder than hell
I should’ve said I’d not come back here
Your breakfast will get cold
I really have to go
It’s easier to lie and be safe
Time and time again I’m half [...]
I want to be so much more than this.
Making small decisions is the hardest thing to do. I was just wondering if should go to Katja’s and Ari’s wedding in Finland. I would probably scrap together my last 400 Euro and buy the ticket and go. Is anybody waiting for me? Am I supposed to [...]
many years have passed since those summer days.
the only thing i was always afraid of was loneliness. i hate to be alone. not in the sense of physical presence but just so i know someones is there for me. driving to work yesterday, i felt lonely in the best sense of the word. i had [...]
what remains.
i ask questions. it’s my job. it’s what i’ve been trained for. journalists know it’s their right to ask. in turn, i am hardly surprised by any questions i am asked myself. one of the most unusual i had to answer lately was “what picture would you put up at your own funeral – [...]