an orchestra of lives

exactly a year ago i remember myself sitting in the huge loft in brussels by myself. i went because of a decision that i made months before, a decision that in the months after i questioned so many times. by the time we grow up, making decisions in general seems to get harder and harder….

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creep

I dont care if it hurts I want to have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When Im not around Youre so fuckin special I wish I was special I believe.

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meeting o.s.

when i first met him at the university it was for an interview. after we left my colleague told me he had felt like an outsider once we started to talk. it was him and me. now after almost year of emails, i will get to see him again next week. i had asked him…

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memories in a notebook

alzheimer’s disease leaves back nothing but emptiness. i get to witness it every day, i can hear his screaming, the battling, the inner war that only knows victims. it leaves back empty houses, torn families but no memories. it takes what we all are made of in some way or another – the memories in…

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nightly encounters

yesterday, while making my home from a birthday party, police stopped me. for the first time in my life i had to do an alcohol test. i told them i had two drinks before. after i was done (i had 0,08, the limit in austria is 0,5) we chatted for a second and they waved…

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who can say where we’re going

i went out with my hockey team last night. i don’t know, but at some part i ended up standing in a corner of the bar by myself. and all of a sudden images started flowing through my head. austria, sweden, finland, belgium – now being back here. all of a sudden i felt lonely….

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shots ring out in a finnish sky

päivi was the first finn i got to know. we met during the time i was in the army and georg had founded entree. after she left i vowed that i’d go there one day – finland, to see what is like. the rest is history, i went there for the first time on august…

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283 steps

the graveyard has one long alley, which divides the park into two sides. my grandfather’s grave lies right at it, close to the gate that divides us, the living people, from the memories inside. i saw the new marble stones encircling it right away and it looked beautiful, as beautiful as he deserves it. as…

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