i wonder in which fashion i will grow old. i hope it won’t be in a cynical way, something i have witnessed in people around me. it will not only take the joy in your life away but it will also harm others. people that do not deserve it. then i met this guy, in julian’s pub last night. i was out by myself and he was drunk and in dire need of speaking to someone. that someone was me. he told me about his son, his daughter – the boy being a talented athlete, the girl a doctor. i asked him weither he told them every now and then that he was proud of them. of what they did, of who they had become. he said indeed he did. it wasn’t convincing. or then i am just taking into account my own dad. i don’t remember the last time he told me he was proud of me. he hasn’t called me in a while (because he thinks i should call, which i did and lead me to his answering machine) and it seems it will take some more until he will. before i went to julian’s place i met uta and axel. about people present and past, about love and life. it sometimes feels unreal to sith here, look at my past and think “what’s next?”. it might sound weird, but i used to feel supernatural in a way – all the problems i had looked so small and easily solveable. i went to sweden, to finland, returned and left again. where has that feeling disappeared to?
“Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind”
Leonardo da Vinci
I believe.