283 steps

the graveyard has one long alley, which divides the park into two sides. my grandfather’s grave lies right at it, close to the gate that divides us, the living people, from the memories inside. i saw the new marble stones encircling it right away and it looked beautiful, as beautiful as he deserves it. as most of the time when i visit his grave, i walked up to benjamin’s as well. i didn’t know him so well, i was a kid when he died. we both were. but while he died of a tumor, i was allowed to live. i was allowed to smile and laugh, to cry and moan, to love and be loved – and whenever life gets at me (as it did today) i think of benjamin. of the things he never was entitled to see or feel. the walk from my grandfather’s grave to benajmin’s is 283 steps, a small walk. but it gets me back to understanding that this is my walk. i can do it.

i believe.