the fighting is too much

I hope that the influence I give is a positive one. I want to change someone’s world for the better, I want them to feel some of the happiness I can share. Not many people realize the effect they can have on another person, positive or negative. This is especially true with relatives. While I should be careful what I say to not become a hypocrite myself, it is hard when family members feel like they can say anything they want to you and that you’ll always forgive them. I can forgive but I’ll never forget. Those words stay with me for the rest of my life, haunting. Unkind words can slash a deep wound within you that may never heal. This is true with all people. I’m getting a big hole that is severing any good relations with my grandfather. I live with him right now. I shake my head a lot of times and I think of how much my family needs help. So many of them waste their lives away in a bottle that has no end. He is one of them. So is my mother. I try to reach out and hold on and help them but no one ever hears anything. They just drown even farther into their delusion. Some days I feel like losing hope. That is a scary feeling for someone like me. I suppose it would be scary for anyone who experiences it. May God watch over me and guide me out of the situation I am finding myself in. I feel like I am losing myself. Help me hold on.