What if?

It’s been a long time but this time I really am back.
Like so many other times in my life, when things get busy or feel like too much I shut myself off and turn inside to the things I believe I can control. The older I get I’m not convinced that I’m necessarily getting any wiser but slowly and surely I am learning to accept that there is so much I can’t control and it really is time to let go.
It’s been busy in mostly a good way, but sometimes I do wonder how life suddenly got so much more complicated, or maybe it is just that I can see how much my life is not just about me anymore. My life seems to be one endless grant application, interspersed with student meetings and admin committments. I never thought i would dream of the day when I could get back into the lab. Then at the end of the day my brain is so fried that I do some of the dumbest things, pushing away the very people I want closest to me in the process.
So here I find myself, snowed under with work like no other time, 10 days out from a month of travel to Sweden then China but finally for the first time in my life I have realised that this is not everything and without you, J, it’s worth nothing.

What if you should decide
That you don’t want me there in your life
That you don’t want me there by your side

Oooooooh thats right
Let’s take a breath, jump over the side
Oooooooh that’s right
How can you know it when you don’t even try
Oooooooh that’s right

Oooooooh thats right
Let’s take a breath, jump over the side
Oooooooh that’s right
You know that darkness always turns into light

Take a chance with me. I can’t promise you the world, but I can promise I won’t let you down like that again.