poetry, she wrote. elfriede jelinek, 57-year old austrian writer is the winner of nobel price for literature in 2004. congratulations, you make us all proud. i believe.
Read morewherever you may be. On a quiet street where old ghosts meet, I see her walking now away from me, So hurriedly. my reason must allow, For I have wooed, not as I should A creature made of clay. When the angel woos the clay, he?ll lose His wings at the dawn of the day….
Read moreit’s only us. cherin from jyväskylä send me a movie the international students in JKL did this semester. watching all the places i had been to a hundred times, knowing every corner, every move, just everything suddenly brought all those memories back. i met some of the best people in skövde, sweden and jyväskyläy, finland….
Read moredo you know who you are? everyonce in a while i feel really down, and the reason for it is, funny enough, myself. though i am constantly moving i have a hard time finishing things, my degree, even small simple things. i don’t know why – i might just be easily distracted by some things…
Read moreat the wake. And oh At the wake. at the wake I will turn to see a face Just a face, just a face That’s surrounded by a name What a name, what a name And we never want to change What you gave, what you gave Never want to let go So surround me,…
Read moreder tag am meer. back from djerba. everyday life has settled in once again. if this trip to africa could be reduced to one single moment, it was the one out there on the waves with katherina, the deep blue beyond – and life as i knew it, so far away. but i don’t remember…
Read morethe America I love. In a time when world events focus us on the negative, I am lucky to be reminded of another America. More than three years after I first arrived on a beautiful clear day in Oakland I remember the warmth of the northern Californian indian summer with its still, clear mornings and…
Read morewhere the ocean meets the land. i had been dreaming of it for such a long time. walking in the wet sand the ocean brushing against my feet. it was way past midnight when i finlly made it down there. just walked along the beach, the moon guiding my way. austria suddenly seemed far far…
Read moreThe Life of Pi. “I can well imagine an atheist’s last words: “White, white! L-L-Love! My God!” – and the deathbed leap of faith. Whereas the agnostic, if he stays true to his reasonable self, if he stays beholden to dry, yeastless factuality, might try to explain the warn light bathing him by saying, “Possibly…
Read morethe great wide open. off the island of djerba i sailed for the first time in my life today. the salty air, the waves hitting our small cat-boat just me and katherina. being totally unexperience i had to trust her a thousand percent and it paid off. for an hour or so i felt free,…
Read moresilence.
went to see the german movie “der untergang” (the downfall) yesterday. it’s about the last 12 days of the world war II in berlin. the gruesome reality of my country’s history crept up to me. it’s our history and turning towards the future to make sure that we won’t allow history to repeat itself doesn’t…
Read moreIt feels like an eternity since I have opened up this page to type. I know not how long it has actually been. Many things have changed in my life while others have stayed the same. I am back in college with the most credits I have ever taken at once and I am also…
Read moresunshower. yesterday while investigating material for a series of articles i wanted to check out some place. nobody was there, but everything was locked. finally i ecountered the janitor who welcomed me suspicious eyes. after telling him who i was and which paper i was writing before he started to smile. he had read my…
Read moreon top of the world. went hiking on the weekend. it’s been long since i have been on the mountains, though it’s only a 20 minutes drive frm my hometown. it was a two-hour walk up, no cell phones ringing, no cars running, just the purity of the austrian mountains, the good talks between friends…
Read morethe butterfly effect. i guess it’s something that everbody has thought of at least a couple of times in his life. the what-if type of thinking, what-if i had done this or that. i was thinking of it again this weekend – i went to vienna to meet tuija, who used to be my finnish…
Read moreI loved you in my fashion. All colours bleed to red Asleep on the ocean’s bed Drifting on empty seas For all my days remaining But would north be true? Why should I? Why should I cry for you? Dark angels follow me Over a godless sea Mountains of endless falling, For all my days…
Read moreall these faces. sitting at frankfurt airport. five days in finland behind me, the best of them all the last real day sanna and me spent together. if breaking up a relationship can ever have a gentle touch, this one had it. sitting here between all these nameless faces i remember one of the best…
Read moreInsanity laughs under pressure we’re. A gentle rain pushed down on Helsinki at ten minutes before one. Like it or not, up north, the weather is far from predictable. Looking out of my window in Pohjois-Haaga 20 minutes from the center of Helsinki the wind bends the trees, takes down their leaves. To me, it…
Read moreback in town. for 48 consecutive hours i haven’t been able to wipe the smile from my face. i’ll be back in town, back in finland, back with the people. i’ll meet päivi tomorrow, i’ll see sanna on friday. back to the baltic – life is beautiful. i believe.
Read moreWachet auf! ruft uns die Stimme. (Sleepers Awake) I woke up to Bach yet again. I’ve made a custom out of putting some random playlist on when I go to bed and classical music reminds me of weekends with grandad. He used to put it on as loud as possible, sit in his chair, his…
Read moreJust a candle in the window. There’s good and bad days. On those bad days all I can figure is, that I left my life, my wishes and dreams together with you somewhere beyond the Baltic sea buried under the memories of dreams. How can I conquer the world if my world ends right on…
Read moredive. it’s the very first secons you dive into water. peaceful silence, for the fraction of a moment you leave the world behind, all the sounds, people and things on the surface far above you melt into the sunrays coming through the water. everytime i am out at the lake i think of this feeling….
Read moreworth so much more than that. You think that nothing can be worse than losing someone close to you, like a family member, but this week I learnt that to lose a colleague is at least as hard. There is nowhere to escape to, no refuge at work, but rather constant reminders everywhere you turn….
Read moremy finest hour. raindrops in my mind. i just read a quote that goes to the regard of a tear being the single most moving affection a human being can show. i hardly ever cry and if then i cry all by myself. i envy those, that can show their emotions and affections when they…
Read moretrapped. Good will conquer Evil And the truth will set me free And I know some day I will find the key I know somewhere I will find the key i believe.
Read moreand you give yourself away. i’m getting philosophical. i just wrote an email and was looking for my perfect self-description and came up with…extroverted loneliness. i should be renamed ernest. see, i did it again. though i am trying to be perfectly serious i make a goof out of myself again. reality bites. i believe.
Read moreund wenn ein lied… remember the boomtown rats singing “i don’t like mondays”? i love mondays. they give a sense of hope to my world. another sunrise, another week, another chance. i’ll never know what the week will bring to me, what i will make happen and what will happen to me. as there are…
Read morezurück zu dir. 10 days before i go to finland. 10 days. my average friday: i started with the idea of doing an interview with some old metereologist lady who lives on a mountian all by herself reading the data from a weather station. wrong. instead of doing that i ended up at an old,…
Read moresomewhere only we know. it was the most beautiful, tearful and honest talk sanna and me had in months. you have to hold on tho those rare occasions, when things just click and suddenly you are able to talk about the things that were hidden deep down inside you for months. i was driven by…
Read morelook at the stars. do it. look above, count the stars, feel small and enjoy it. just came home, for the first time in weeks a clear sky and countless stars were waiting for their audience to take a seat and be enjoyed on a spotless summernight’s sky. life is beautiful. i believe.
Read morefull circle. Today my parents are in Linz. To discover for themselves the country, the city and the people who so captured my heart and perhaps understand how that year changed me. Today I also went on a bit of journey of my own. A journey that took me past all the places I ever…
Read moreso what’s beyond? sometimes i wonder how people around me behave? do they seriously take me for who i am? do they seriously take me for what i want to be, what i want to become? while i know, i can’t always behave the way i really want to be, i think i deserve a…
Read moresometimes timing is everything. I went there tonight, against all advice and my better judgement, but I just had to know once and for all. Good or bad all those memories came flooding back. Memories of my mistakes 8 years ago and of so much that has or came so close to transpiring since. Again…
Read morerun. booked my ticket to finland. enough of all the complaints, enough of all the tears and dark moments. i’m in charge of this and only i and my decisions can get me out of this. i’m going to finland to see weither it’s a long kiss goodbye or the renewal of the dreams we…
Read moregrazed knees. I’m trying not to stare, it’s too late The blankets over there, if you like I’m broken and I’m colder than hell I should’ve said I’d not come back here Your breakfast will get cold I really have to go It’s easier to lie and be safe Time and time again I’m half…
Read moreI want to be so much more than this. Making small decisions is the hardest thing to do. I was just wondering if should go to Katja’s and Ari’s wedding in Finland. I would probably scrap together my last 400 Euro and buy the ticket and go. Is anybody waiting for me? Am I supposed…
Read moremany years have passed since those summer days. the only thing i was always afraid of was loneliness. i hate to be alone. not in the sense of physical presence but just so i know someones is there for me. driving to work yesterday, i felt lonely in the best sense of the word. i…
Read morewhat remains. i ask questions. it’s my job. it’s what i’ve been trained for. journalists know it’s their right to ask. in turn, i am hardly surprised by any questions i am asked myself. one of the most unusual i had to answer lately was “what picture would you put up at your own funeral…
Read moreeventually all things merge into one. while some kids might have a natural attraction to secret places, our attic was never of much interest to me. it took me 23 years, 5 months and some days to re-discover what i missed. it’s like your memory’s playground. the circle has been closed. i found some of…
Read moreThe path less travelled. Right now I see my friends and colleagues here with a life so different for my own, one that I even envy. A life filled with kids, their own homes and most of all, someone to share it all with, the good and the bad. More than ever I want these…
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