Freedom My life has taken on so many changes as of late. Adam and I split back in November but we decided to still ‘date.’ If that isn’t the best excuse to keep someone around for convenience, then I don’t know what is. Lately, I have been distancing myself from him. We are to remain…
Read moreDie Liebe der Charlotte Gray. why do i have to be stupid and afraid of making a fool of myelf? duh! i got so close, and yet i am so far away. if you can read my thoughts, help me with this one. please. i believe.
Read morevolle distanz. it’s just between you and me. though we’re not exactly on speaking terms right now, please help her – you know what i mean. she believes in you.
Read moreWeglaufen geht nicht, das ist mir klar. since i started writing at mindwork i ended all my posts with one line: i believe. i had a feeling there was a contract between him and me, god and stefan. tonight i felt there was no contract. it felt you left me, when i needed you most,…
Read moreDie längste Zeit, die du verbringst. went to vienna just by myself, a weekend away from klagenfurt is just what i need now. and man did i have a blast yesterday evening, met astrid of esn whom i hadn’t seen in a long time (a year or so) – it generally feels just woohoo to…
Read morea million souls. got my hepatitis vaccination for the philippines today. 70 euro spent to protect my life. 70 euro i paid easily out of pocket. a million people every year don’t get that chance. they die of hepatitis b. think about it. i believe.
Read morethomas is wrong. cause love lasts. i am so sure of it sanna. it just lasts. because deep inside of me, feelings never changed, they don’t change now and the never will change – i will probably relearn love, but then one place deep inside my heart was, is and always will be yours. cause…
Read moreand you feel like never before. Everywhere you go you shout it You don’t have to be shy about it, no And you’ll never be alone Come on now show your soul You?ve been keeping your love under control Sanna has a new boyfriend. It’s good, I have to admit to myself. It’s good there’s…
Read moreit’s all about love. it’s quite disturbing what a movie can do to you. i watched people dying of broken hearts, dying of loneliness, dying of the love it is all about – and i was wondering if i might be one of them some day. dying of a broken heart, if that at all…
Read moreone crazy week. two days after my birthday my uncle invited me to come and visit the philippines with him, i’ll be gone from march 12th until march 19th, never been to asia before and getting totally excited. just a month after that i am going to … finland! can’t wait to see mikko and…
Read moreno coincidences. we celebrated my birthday yesterday – and i played orfeo’s aria to mom, she nearly started crying, telling me it used to be granddad’s favourite piece of music, remembering listening to it when she was a kid, probably sitting on his lap. there is no coincidence and me and him, grandfather and grandson…
Read moreA year in the Antipodes. Today was the first day of the new academic year and the day of my first real lecture. It wasn’t until last week that I realised that this means one year since I came home. It’s gone so fast that sometimes I feel like I’ve missed so much of it…
Read moreWhat will I do? Che farò senza Euridice? Dove andrò senza il mio ben? Che farò? Dove andrò? Che farò senza il mio ben? Dove andrò senza il mio ben? Euridice! Euridice! Oh Dio! Rispondi! Rispondi! lo son pure il tuo fedele. lo son pure il tuo fedele, il tuo fedele. Che farò …? Euridice!…
Read more24. my birthday was way too hectic to be celebrated. i waited for acall ro sms from sanna, but it seems i have to understand, that to her this is not even a friendship anymore, that i am not even someone you would call on his birthday. it plainly hurt. in addition we had our…
Read moreconcerning wanderers. taken from “mona lisa smile”: Not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image. Now I am not sure if I am one of those, wandering aimlessly between worlds – but in some certain moments I try to look beyond the image and…
Read moreblacky the cat. mom just called me. they had to put blacky to eternal sleep. the veterinary said there was nothing he could do about the tumor they discovered today. blacky never complained, we even didn’t notice until today. he was the cutes kitten ever. i’ll miss him. i believe.
Read moreblinding lights. driving back from villach you can see over the lake. it’s a perfect time now, the ice covering it slowly melting in the spring’s first sun, it looks like a gigantic mirror, spreading the sunlight against the mountains. it was a tiny moment of completeness that showed that beauty is actually everywhere. i…
Read moredresden. 60 years ago british and americans bombed dresden, a city full of refugees, wounded, sick. there was no reason. no military value. no sense. at least 35.000 were literally vaporized. the power of the heat-bombs would burn them to ashes before they noticed. as much as other cruelties during the war, dresden can never…
Read moreThere’s no way I can talk myself out of this tonight. Tired but happy. Did a great story with the local police on drunk driving. Spent the last night in the seat of a police car. Watched them pull out some drunk drivers. Now I won’t throw the first stone, but I just don’t get…
Read morethanks bob and god bless. Come writers and critics Who prophesize with your pen And keep your eyes wide, The chance won’t come again And don’t speak too soon For the wheel’s still in spin And there’s no tellin’ who that it’s namin’. For the loser now Will be later to win For the times…
Read morei never understood vivaldi. why would you make spring’s second movement one of the most depressing pieces of classical music ever? and what would make the first movement so joyful, filled with spring’s energy. but then: his music is art, real art. i believe.
Read morecity of blinding lights. The more you see the less you know The less you find out as you grow I knew much more then than I do now Neon heart, day-glow eyes The city lit by fireflies They’re advertising in the skies And people like us And I miss you when you’re not around…
Read moreVom Suchen und Finden der Liebe. Went to the movies with E. I had to think of you all the time. It’s about love and how far would you go for it – would you die just to prove it was all true? Ultimately life fulfills only two purposes – to love and be loved….
Read moreat short notice it just dawned upon me, that love will most probably never feel the same after sanna k. left my life. i want sanna and my life back. i believe
Read moreall drains lead to the ocean talked to d. yesterday evening, just before hockey practice. she told me to get out of here. see the world. make use of my talents. am i not making use of them? i write day by day, isn’t that my one single big talent – to jot down the…
Read moregrowing up. got another email from k. she has this perfect way of making complex things sounds simple. to biold it all down (and me thinking of sanna oh-so-many-times) she put it all in one line: “I think our biggest fear now is, what if it doesn’t get any better than them?” – probably that’s…
Read morebeauty everywhere. j. from canada wrote me one of the most beautiful emails i ever received. it just totally made my day. and even the smallest ray of light leads to the sun and ultimately – if you keep out looking for it – there is beauty just everywhere. i believe.
Read morewith a smile on his face. his books will always be part of my earliest reading memories. i remember my grandad buying them to me, one after another. it seemed, i could read them faster, then my grandad could buy them. his humor was one of a kind and will never be forgotten – ephraim…
Read morenot just a gesture. a symbol for a century, a gesture that moved more than any contract. discovery channel showed willy brandt kneeling in front of the warszaw ghetto memorial. there are no coincidences. i believe.
Read moreby your side. by now i’ve exhausted myself with you. i offered to give it all up for you. i offered to start out again. i wish i could turn back time to the summer of 2003. and then i wish i never left finland. i am so sorry for what happened. is later too…
Read morea thousand miles away. my relationship with my mom was hardly ever easy, though she is on the most caring people i know in the world. but she’s afraid of so many things, she hardly ever takes a risk or dives into unknown waters. funny enough, when i was in finland – a thousand miles…
Read morein need. And I forgot To tell you I love you And the night’s Too long And cold here Without you I grieve in my condition For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so. i believe.
Read moreso many names. discovery channel showed a docu about journalists killed in action. and i am sitting here in my small office, covering local news. now i am by no means an adventurer. i just feel that i am not giving in enough. i am not giving up enough to pursue this dream. they all…
Read moremiracle drug. The songs are in your eyes I see them when you smile I’ve had enough of romantic love I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up For a miracle drug, a miracle drug A miracle drug Oh God, I need your help tonight Beneath the noise Below the din I hear a…
Read moreunjustice. i am counting days. constantly counting days. if something ever can make me bow my back it’s unjustice i can’t battle. unjustice that exist, because it has always existed and is likely to stay long after i am gone. if i am allowed to say a wish it would be to god: to make…
Read morei just called. had grandma and her boyfriend over here (do grandmas have boyfriends?) – anyway, every time she is here, she asks about sanna and me. i feel like i am in court or something. it’s over, out, gone and zeroed. why can’t people let me forget about it. start something new and hide…
Read morejourney by moonlight. it’s pretty funny if you walk into a bookstore, take the first book and you know it’s a must-have. that’s what happened when i started reading antal szerb’s “journey by moonlight“. even if i am only around page 20 right now – i know the choice was right. and again mankind has…
Read moredown beneath. just finished a book by leena lehtolainen. finland is still somewhere inside me, i dreamed of sanna being pregnant with the baby we once planned to have. it all seems lightyears away, chasing through my dreams i had a feeling she needed me, she needed to be protected, guarded. i wonder what more…
Read moreThere but for the grace of God go I. My Mum used to always say this when I was a kid but for a long time I was too young to understand what she meant. Time and life has changed that and the events of the last 9 days only remind of how true this…
Read morewhoever saves one soul, saves the world entire. as the rest of the world i am horrified by the events in southeast asia. not only by the fact, that nature can strike in such a horrible way but that it hit some of the poorest countries in asia. please donate and help here (german) or…
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