katharina and the waves. it’s so much fun to see, that there is no coincidences in life and everything makes sense sooner or later. katharina came from frankfurt to spend new year’s with me and it felt just great. we had so much fun over the past five days and she definitly shed some sun…
Read more2004. the hours. in january sanna, me and xavier sang along. in february i got ten red roses. in march i went back to my beloved finland. in april what belonged together, grew together. in may i shared a swedish state of mind. in june we started letting go. in july nothing made sense. in…
Read moreto marta, wherever she may be. Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. Albert Einstein (1879-1955) i believe. do you?
Read morea sidenote. austrian television (orf) just ran a feature about the special olympics. and i am sitting here bitching about life while i am in one piece, young and gull of dreams. so events really put life in the right perspective. i believe.
Read morea friend’s advice. johanna gave me one of the best advices in a long time: to be able to be together with someone, you first you have to be able to be alone with yourself. i will try as hard as i can. i believe.
Read moreand so this is christmas. had my last working day before christmas yesterday. as 2004 is coming to an end i am looking back on one of the weirdest years in my life. it’s been an emotional rollercoaster ride during which everything changed and nothing stayed the same. god took and god gave – my…
Read moresilent heroes. zapped around yesterday evening and came up with the above titled movie about jews in denmark during the second world war. in opposite to germany danish jews mostly were secretly transferred to sweden and thus savaed from the concentration camps. their houses, shops and yardshowever were taken care of by the remaining danish…
Read morehelp me, i’m a star. it’s been quite a funny week. though i work for a newspaper, it’s a weird feeling to be featured myself. the official austrian hockey website ran a small article about my team & me.oh yeah there’s some pictures of me in my hockey gear. i believe (wymb).
Read moreyou’re the reason why the opera is in me. i decided to write about sanna and me. it feels like it’s the only way to leave the darkness. if you love someone, letting go is one of the hardest experiences ever. it feels all my energy vanishes into a black hole. i decided to write…
Read morei will make it up to you. went for a ber with franz yesterday and verena joined in later. it’s amazing how well they know me, franz basically has been my guide through all my adult life. he’s been there when i needed him and even during those times, when we didn’t get along so…
Read morebrothers, sisters – where are you now? everytime i look on mindwork’s frontpage it comes back. 4 minds, 3 continents, 1 vision. shaun, em & sanna – do we still share the same vision? it feels like, something is breaking apart. em is back in australia, sanna left for finland and shaun hardly ever surfaces…
Read moreit’s a sad sad situation. went to watch bridget jones. just to distract myself from life. in the end she catches the bridal bouquet. i had to think of katja’s and ari wedding. sanna caught katja’s bouquet. then some people shook my hand and their words are haunting me. t’s sad, so sad It’s a…
Read moregraveyard of the nameless. Tief im Schatten alter Rüstern, Starren Kreuze hier am düstern Uferrand. Aber keine Epitaphe, Sage uns wer unten schlafe. Kühl im Sand. Still ist’s in den weiten Augen. Selbst die Donau ihre blauen Wogen hemmt. Denn sie schlafen hier gemeinsam, Die, die Fluten still und einsam, Angeschwemmt. Alle die sich hier…
Read morede profundis clamavi ad te domine. tell me please what i should do. i feel like i’ve reached a dead-end in my life. nothing’s moving anymore. everything feels dead. whenever i reached a low in my life – you were there. put your footprints in my sand, guide me. now i know, how cowardish i…
Read moresometimes you can’t make it on your own. I need to let you know You don’t have to go it alone And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone Sometimes you can’t make it on your own We fight all the time You and…
Read moremystic lake. i can’t tell why it draws me there. i can’t resist the lake, it’s magic, it’s special colors. when the mist slowly covers the small waves the land goes quiet and i believe that i become one with the deep blue. i believe.
Read moreand it’s you. und in den dunklen nächten fällt die schwere erde aus allen sternen in die einsamkeit. rainer maria rilke i believe.
Read moreGoodbye. Und jetzt wird es still um uns Denn wir steh’n hier im Regen haben uns nicht’s mehr zu geben Und es ist besser wenn du gehst. Denn es ist Zeit Sich ein zu gestehn, dass es nicht geht Es gibt nichts mehr zu reden, denn wenn’s nur regnet Ist es besser, aufzugeben. Und es…
Read moreNjosnavelin. Moving. moving. moving. The nothing song playing on repeat in my mind. It seems all the advisors have left the king and right now, there’s nobody whispering in my ear. The only voice I could probably hear right now, is my inner voice. But it went quiet. This is life. Exciting, frightening and real….
Read moreThere is fiction in the space between. I saw it when I left the building. I went through the mailboxes, just to see who my future neighbours will be. Who will share a roof with me. It’s somewhere down in the third row. Now that I haven’t got any mail from the housing company lately…
Read morethe big yellow house. it’s moving time. the third time in my life i’m leaving the house i called home for so many years. the good memories i have of my childhood all take place in or around the big yellow house my great-grandad built 100 years ago. the stable that is nowadays a storage….
Read moreIt’s easier to leave than to be left behind. That’s what I feel like now: left behind. I get this feeling that life decided to go on, leaving me behind. I somtimes wake up in the night, thinking that all of this is just a dream. That I’d wake up the next day and everything…
Read more26. it is sanna’s 26th birthday. i would give anything in this world to be back by her side. anything. Oh simple things where have you gone I’m getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me when you’re gonna let me in I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin…
Read morei just don’t get it. Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let’s, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday’s election. Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists: 1. It is against…
Read moreAmerica decided. John Kerry led a bold, brave campaign. Some may call it flip-flop, but I have to admire any man, especially any politician who has the guts to say that he might have been wrong and would change his opinion. After living so long in an America I could believe in, what I still…
Read morei will find you. Hope is your survival a captive path I lead No matter where you go I will find you If it takes a long, long time No matter where you go I will find you In a place with thousand years No matter where you go I will find you In a…
Read morea choice for freedom. i am not going to advice anyone. i am not going to try to convince anyone. i am not going to tell anyone what to do. in my heart the United States have always symbolized freedom. freedom of speech, freedom of opinion and freedom of life. under george bush the United…
Read moreclutching at memories. I didn’t even watch the movie that followed it, all I saw was that one image of the Golden Gate Bridge followed by that sweeping camera shot of the city behind it, but it was all it took to make me wish I was back there. Even though I know it can…
Read morea pocketful of rainbows. spent the austrian national holiday down at the lake. riitta went with me to see what it was like down there. people enjoying the last sunrays, the clear sky the blue water. took some pictures. i believe.
Read morei got a letter today. it’s for our apartment, the place sanna and me chose to live in. the walls that were supposed to be our new home, hiding-place and fortress to the world outside. tomorrow i have to call them. tell them sanna is not here anymore. tell them it’s only me now. i…
Read morethe reason I’m not a perfect person There’s many things I wish I didn’t do But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I’ve found a reason for me To change who I used…
Read moredie perfekte welle. Deine Hände sind schon taub, hast Salz in deinen Augen, zwischen Tränen und Staub, fällt es schwer oft dran zu glauben, hast dein Leben lang gewartet, hast die Wellen nie gezählt, das ist alles nicht gewollt, hast viel zu schnell gelebt. Jetzt kommt sie langsam auf dich zu, das Wasser schlägt dir…
Read morei’m so happy i can’t stop crying. i watched “the miracle of bern” yesterday and even if i am by no means a big soccer fan – it touched me. it reminded me so much of my grandad. what it meant to him to spend 4 years as a prisoner of war in russia. what…
Read moreup north. got an sms from mia. she’s back in finland again – i really envy her, wish i could be up there again. now that i have my so called life here, i miss that country so much. got a message from sanna “i am feeling lonely wherever i am”. why aren’t you here…
Read morea day in fall. if i had a wish now, i would ask god to let fall quickly slip away. let it rain and snow, let green turn to grey. let the morning’s be misty. as the memories of the beautiful day in fall that just passed will carry me beyond the cold winter nights,…
Read morei still dare to move. though it’s hidden beyond my everyday life, i still have my dreams. i got the best job in the world – it gets me out to the people and they, for whatever reason, talk to me. tell me their problems, wishes and dreams. being a journalist teaches you one big…
Read moreone year or two. It is exactly one year since I first posted something on mindwork. How time flies and oh, how much has changed in the last year. It is also exactly two years since the Bali bombing. As the time passes, may we not forget that all those touched by this dreadful event…
Read moreone step up and two steps back. thinking of the last couple of months, aimlessly floating around between the top of the world and rock bottom. kerstin said i was emotionally insane – gave me a good laugh and hours to think. i believe. Denn er hat seinen Engeln befohlen, daß sie dich behüten auf…
Read morea misty fall’s morning. Hemingway wrote: “I loved her once and then she gypped me. And I don’t blame her. But I set out to cauterize out her memory and I burnt it out with a course of booze and other women and now it’s gone.” But not gone entirely… Reminds me of something. I…
Read morea selfish country. Yesterday Australia had the 4th federal election since I reached eligible voting age, and as the politicians’ so often reminded us during the campaign, the people decided. Unfortunately they decided to return the Coalition government for the 4th time nnot only with an increased majority but also with the possibility to gain…
Read more