thanks bob and god bless. Come writers and critics Who prophesize with your pen And keep your eyes wide, The chance won’t come again And don’t speak too soon For the wheel’s still in spin And there’s no tellin’ who that it’s namin’. For the loser now Will be later to win For the times…
Read morei never understood vivaldi. why would you make spring’s second movement one of the most depressing pieces of classical music ever? and what would make the first movement so joyful, filled with spring’s energy. but then: his music is art, real art. i believe.
Read morecity of blinding lights. The more you see the less you know The less you find out as you grow I knew much more then than I do now Neon heart, day-glow eyes The city lit by fireflies They’re advertising in the skies And people like us And I miss you when you’re not around…
Read moreVom Suchen und Finden der Liebe. Went to the movies with E. I had to think of you all the time. It’s about love and how far would you go for it – would you die just to prove it was all true? Ultimately life fulfills only two purposes – to love and be loved….
Read moreat short notice it just dawned upon me, that love will most probably never feel the same after sanna k. left my life. i want sanna and my life back. i believe
Read moreall drains lead to the ocean talked to d. yesterday evening, just before hockey practice. she told me to get out of here. see the world. make use of my talents. am i not making use of them? i write day by day, isn’t that my one single big talent – to jot down the…
Read moregrowing up. got another email from k. she has this perfect way of making complex things sounds simple. to biold it all down (and me thinking of sanna oh-so-many-times) she put it all in one line: “I think our biggest fear now is, what if it doesn’t get any better than them?” – probably that’s…
Read morebeauty everywhere. j. from canada wrote me one of the most beautiful emails i ever received. it just totally made my day. and even the smallest ray of light leads to the sun and ultimately – if you keep out looking for it – there is beauty just everywhere. i believe.
Read morewith a smile on his face. his books will always be part of my earliest reading memories. i remember my grandad buying them to me, one after another. it seemed, i could read them faster, then my grandad could buy them. his humor was one of a kind and will never be forgotten – ephraim…
Read morenot just a gesture. a symbol for a century, a gesture that moved more than any contract. discovery channel showed willy brandt kneeling in front of the warszaw ghetto memorial. there are no coincidences. i believe.
Read moreby your side. by now i’ve exhausted myself with you. i offered to give it all up for you. i offered to start out again. i wish i could turn back time to the summer of 2003. and then i wish i never left finland. i am so sorry for what happened. is later too…
Read morea thousand miles away. my relationship with my mom was hardly ever easy, though she is on the most caring people i know in the world. but she’s afraid of so many things, she hardly ever takes a risk or dives into unknown waters. funny enough, when i was in finland – a thousand miles…
Read morein need. And I forgot To tell you I love you And the night’s Too long And cold here Without you I grieve in my condition For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so. i believe.
Read moreso many names. discovery channel showed a docu about journalists killed in action. and i am sitting here in my small office, covering local news. now i am by no means an adventurer. i just feel that i am not giving in enough. i am not giving up enough to pursue this dream. they all…
Read moremiracle drug. The songs are in your eyes I see them when you smile I’ve had enough of romantic love I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up For a miracle drug, a miracle drug A miracle drug Oh God, I need your help tonight Beneath the noise Below the din I hear a…
Read moreunjustice. i am counting days. constantly counting days. if something ever can make me bow my back it’s unjustice i can’t battle. unjustice that exist, because it has always existed and is likely to stay long after i am gone. if i am allowed to say a wish it would be to god: to make…
Read morei just called. had grandma and her boyfriend over here (do grandmas have boyfriends?) – anyway, every time she is here, she asks about sanna and me. i feel like i am in court or something. it’s over, out, gone and zeroed. why can’t people let me forget about it. start something new and hide…
Read morejourney by moonlight. it’s pretty funny if you walk into a bookstore, take the first book and you know it’s a must-have. that’s what happened when i started reading antal szerb’s “journey by moonlight“. even if i am only around page 20 right now – i know the choice was right. and again mankind has…
Read moredown beneath. just finished a book by leena lehtolainen. finland is still somewhere inside me, i dreamed of sanna being pregnant with the baby we once planned to have. it all seems lightyears away, chasing through my dreams i had a feeling she needed me, she needed to be protected, guarded. i wonder what more…
Read moreThere but for the grace of God go I. My Mum used to always say this when I was a kid but for a long time I was too young to understand what she meant. Time and life has changed that and the events of the last 9 days only remind of how true this…
Read morewhoever saves one soul, saves the world entire. as the rest of the world i am horrified by the events in southeast asia. not only by the fact, that nature can strike in such a horrible way but that it hit some of the poorest countries in asia. please donate and help here (german) or…
Read morekatharina and the waves. it’s so much fun to see, that there is no coincidences in life and everything makes sense sooner or later. katharina came from frankfurt to spend new year’s with me and it felt just great. we had so much fun over the past five days and she definitly shed some sun…
Read more2004. the hours. in january sanna, me and xavier sang along. in february i got ten red roses. in march i went back to my beloved finland. in april what belonged together, grew together. in may i shared a swedish state of mind. in june we started letting go. in july nothing made sense. in…
Read moreto marta, wherever she may be. Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. Albert Einstein (1879-1955) i believe. do you?
Read morea sidenote. austrian television (orf) just ran a feature about the special olympics. and i am sitting here bitching about life while i am in one piece, young and gull of dreams. so events really put life in the right perspective. i believe.
Read morea friend’s advice. johanna gave me one of the best advices in a long time: to be able to be together with someone, you first you have to be able to be alone with yourself. i will try as hard as i can. i believe.
Read moreand so this is christmas. had my last working day before christmas yesterday. as 2004 is coming to an end i am looking back on one of the weirdest years in my life. it’s been an emotional rollercoaster ride during which everything changed and nothing stayed the same. god took and god gave – my…
Read moresilent heroes. zapped around yesterday evening and came up with the above titled movie about jews in denmark during the second world war. in opposite to germany danish jews mostly were secretly transferred to sweden and thus savaed from the concentration camps. their houses, shops and yardshowever were taken care of by the remaining danish…
Read morehelp me, i’m a star. it’s been quite a funny week. though i work for a newspaper, it’s a weird feeling to be featured myself. the official austrian hockey website ran a small article about my team & me.oh yeah there’s some pictures of me in my hockey gear. i believe (wymb).
Read moreyou’re the reason why the opera is in me. i decided to write about sanna and me. it feels like it’s the only way to leave the darkness. if you love someone, letting go is one of the hardest experiences ever. it feels all my energy vanishes into a black hole. i decided to write…
Read morei will make it up to you. went for a ber with franz yesterday and verena joined in later. it’s amazing how well they know me, franz basically has been my guide through all my adult life. he’s been there when i needed him and even during those times, when we didn’t get along so…
Read morebrothers, sisters – where are you now? everytime i look on mindwork’s frontpage it comes back. 4 minds, 3 continents, 1 vision. shaun, em & sanna – do we still share the same vision? it feels like, something is breaking apart. em is back in australia, sanna left for finland and shaun hardly ever surfaces…
Read moreit’s a sad sad situation. went to watch bridget jones. just to distract myself from life. in the end she catches the bridal bouquet. i had to think of katja’s and ari wedding. sanna caught katja’s bouquet. then some people shook my hand and their words are haunting me. t’s sad, so sad It’s a…
Read moregraveyard of the nameless. Tief im Schatten alter Rüstern, Starren Kreuze hier am düstern Uferrand. Aber keine Epitaphe, Sage uns wer unten schlafe. Kühl im Sand. Still ist’s in den weiten Augen. Selbst die Donau ihre blauen Wogen hemmt. Denn sie schlafen hier gemeinsam, Die, die Fluten still und einsam, Angeschwemmt. Alle die sich hier…
Read morede profundis clamavi ad te domine. tell me please what i should do. i feel like i’ve reached a dead-end in my life. nothing’s moving anymore. everything feels dead. whenever i reached a low in my life – you were there. put your footprints in my sand, guide me. now i know, how cowardish i…
Read moresometimes you can’t make it on your own. I need to let you know You don’t have to go it alone And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone Sometimes you can’t make it on your own We fight all the time You and…
Read moremystic lake. i can’t tell why it draws me there. i can’t resist the lake, it’s magic, it’s special colors. when the mist slowly covers the small waves the land goes quiet and i believe that i become one with the deep blue. i believe.
Read moreand it’s you. und in den dunklen nächten fällt die schwere erde aus allen sternen in die einsamkeit. rainer maria rilke i believe.
Read moreGoodbye. Und jetzt wird es still um uns Denn wir steh’n hier im Regen haben uns nicht’s mehr zu geben Und es ist besser wenn du gehst. Denn es ist Zeit Sich ein zu gestehn, dass es nicht geht Es gibt nichts mehr zu reden, denn wenn’s nur regnet Ist es besser, aufzugeben. Und es…
Read moreNjosnavelin. Moving. moving. moving. The nothing song playing on repeat in my mind. It seems all the advisors have left the king and right now, there’s nobody whispering in my ear. The only voice I could probably hear right now, is my inner voice. But it went quiet. This is life. Exciting, frightening and real….
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