to freely draw upon imagination. cats are unbelievable. i just had the honor of being allowed to watch my tomcat patrol his territory. as the sunlight tickles him, he moves with the shadows. sometimes i question who follows whom. bearing a cat’s mind, i believe it was the shadow. sanna used to call me a…
Read morelandungsbrücken raus. mia, i know you’ll be reading this. i guess i just want you to know how often i think of you, finland, jyväskylä and the good moments we shared. whenever i sit down to write, i think of the people i love, the people i care about. even if they are spread out…
Read morewhenever god shines his light. Whenever God shines his light on me Opens up my eyes so I can see When I look up in the darkest night I know everything’s going to be alright In deep confusion, in great despair When I reach out for him he is there When I am lonely as…
Read moremaybe the best is yet to come. it’s what i am thinking of constantly. what if this is the big test for us. the big lesson on love, trust and friendship. i made so many mistakes, i don’t know where to start fixing all of them. but then i remember quiet moments, filled with love….
Read moredie sehnsucht wird nicht still. cleaning up your music collection can really turn you upside down. so many songs i thought i had forgotten about. so many that remind me of my time away. songs that smelled like finland in fall or sweden in winter. songs full of home-sickness and moments to remember. songs of…
Read moreso far down, away from the sun that shines into the darkest place. sometimes i wonder when all the energy will start flowing back. sometimes i think i just spread it out too far, wanting to do everything, being everywhere. why can’t i just focus? on life, love, job and my university career? right…
Read morestauffenberg. on july 20th 1944 the german colonel and chief of staff for the replacement army of the german wehrmacht Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg became a tragic hero and the most vivid sign of the german resistance in the 3rd reich. while the bomb he planted failed to kill the führer, the message it…
Read moreNo one ever said it would be this hard. I remember my 22nd birthday. I remember how lonely I felt being in Finland, far away from home, my friends, my life. During those days, Sanna was by my side. I remember me listening to coldplay’s “the scientist” time after time, unknown it would become my…
Read morewhen you bleed just to know you’re alive. it’s like the empty sky bruce springsteen wrote about. when you lose someone so essential to your life, everyathing feels like a big vacuum. you’re sucked in and there seems to be no way out. while i live, i don’t feel alive. right now i feel numb…
Read moreSay something profound, Em. For some reason still unknown to me, when things are going badly or everything is just a bit confused, my sisters expect me to miraculously save the day. Perhaps they are not the only ones, but last weekend it was my little sister who wanted wisdom on demand. As always I…
Read moreAnd when the stars fall, I will lie awake. As I am writing these lines I am looking back on more than three years with Sanna. Three years that showed my best and worst. Three years that had dip me through emotions I’d never know before. Feelings I never knew existed and worlds unknown to…
Read moreand love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night. what we love alters us in some way. sometimes even in a bad way. when i saw an ambulance driving away from an accident site, what i love kicked in and i realized it in a horrible way. i realized…
Read moreevery single moment’s tear. yesterday, i once again figured what it means to be good friends with someone. when theresa moved to klagenfurt, i instantly knew that she’d have no problems finding friends and that our friendship what slowly fade to the background to make room for her new impressions, feelings and friends. yesterday she…
Read moreshe will be loved. Tap on my window knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful I know I tend to get so insecure It doesn’t matter anymore It’s not always rainbows and butterflies It’s compromise that moves us along My heart is full and my door’s always open You can come…
Read moreWhat God brings together, let no man put asunder. It sounds weird but I really believe in it. Went to Marie’s wedding yesterday and besides the priest making a big show out of it (and believe me he had his share of the fun) I really enjoyed it. I love churches and quiet franky all…
Read moremy austrian state of mind we went for a hike with a friend of mine. up to the mountains. i felt like a bird floating between the clouds. i just simply love the mountains, the people, the austrian state of mind. i had my nudels, the beer and the schnaps. heard the grüssti, the servas…
Read morebetween the moon and you the angels get a better view. first morning’s light is the most beautiful. small waterdrops on the turf tickling on my feet, i went for an early-morning walk in our yard. freshly-cut grass, bees small puddles left from yesterday’s rain. life’s simple things, the kind of art that nature creates,…
Read moreBreaking the Habit Memories consume Like opening the wound I’m picking me apart again You all assume I’m safe here in my room [Unless I try to start again] I don’t want to be the one The battles always choose ‘Cause inside I realize That I’m the one confused I don’t know what’s worth fighting…
Read morethe hurt sometimes i wish my way of living would be different. that the way i am would be different. i am too kind. too open and respectful with my loved ones. i care about people around me so much that i forget to demand things early enough to myself. it makes my position vulnerable….
Read morethe extra mile. exactly a year since i started working for our newspaper. to me it went by with the blink of an eye and i still remember the first day as if it was yesterday. within me things have changed. for the first time in my life i feel that this is the right…
Read moreeternal sunshine on the spotless mind. go see it. feel it. believe it. i haven’t seen a great movie like this one for such a long time. either you leave it after 15 minutes, or it goes under your skin, creeps up on your mind and you fall in love with it. i had one…
Read moreand as the lights went off. enjoying the darkness is one of the things i had to learnt he hard way. i was always afraid of the dark. now i have learned to love it. learned to accept it as the best time to think over things. the best time to write, to cry and…
Read morethe ocean i was yesterday walking along the beach in italy. the place was grouded with tourists but in my mind there was only the steady rhythm of the ocean: the waves, the smell, the sound and the sand beneth my feet. on that very moment I felt complete and calm. For the first time…
Read moreone big smile. yesterday – i saw ultimate happiness. a little girl, not older than four years. holding a balloon she just got in her hand. the biggest smile in the world on her face. life at its best. i believe
Read morethe reason. i love to fly. you ride the clouds and everything that looks so important miles below you, fades away. you can`t escape and quite frankly i never want to. flying to portugal yesterday gave me that feeling again – we flew over the coast, the ocean way back below. a pefect moment. i…
Read morea ray of light. everytime i walk along the lake, i feel calm. as yesterday. as sanna and me went for a walk, we felt this was it: the deciding moment in our relation. do we want to be sanna&stefan or sanna and stefan. the fact that i love her has been unchanged. right now,…
Read moreto make it count. to live you have to love. you have to love the small simple things. the simple things that make everything count, seeing the smile on a stranger’s face because you helped out with some coins. It’s just one of those small seemingly unimportant things that make this world come together day…
Read moreforeign affairs Floating on air. Foreign affair. A magical potion, A cool locomotion. A dream, A prayer. -Mike Oldfield
Read morehalt mich. went to see herbert grönemeyer’s (probably the most famous german-speaking entertainer) concert close to vienna yesterday. To understand what he went through you have to go back to 1998, when, within four days, both his wife and his brother died of cancer. Grönemeyer ridden with anger and pain disappeared from public view. Four…
Read moreRelationships are scary. You put in so much of yourself when you really try and in itself, it doesn’t feel like you are trying at all. It is something that just comes naturally. Giving so much of yourself to someone else is scary because you have so much to lose if things don’t work out….
Read moreIt is time. I have decided it is time to take another one of those trips of mine. Ever since I went to London I feel the urge to go here and there. This time the destination is somewhere I have been before and someday hope to permanently return to: North Carolina. It was the…
Read moreDer längste Tag (The longest day) The longest day started in the dusk of June 6th 1944. 60 years later we Austrians and German’s still call it the “invasion” or the longest day. When Americans, British, Canadian and others set out to re-conquer the continent, it wasn’t a “invasion” as it has been written down…
Read moreeverybody’s got to learn sometime. i wish i could paint, but it just can’t. whatever i try to jot on paper becomes a nameless formation unrelated to what my eyes see. i wish i could freely draw my feelings onto that white stretch of paper called life. as for me, i draw by words. as…
Read morethe river still runs through it. I sat there and forgot and forgot, until what remained was the river that went by and I who watched. On the river the heat mirages danced with each other and then they danced through each other and then they joined hands and danced around each other. Eventually the…
Read moreGrowing up or growing out. I think that one of the reasons I find it so easy to relate to my students, is that in my mind I am still the 18 year old kid who has just started Uni, who believes that the world is truly their oyster and that they can conquer anything….
Read moreloneliness I feel lonely. I am lonely although I am surrounded by people. It is loneliness that no single person can fill. I am trapped by my own restrictions, decisions, thoughts, dreams and wishes. Having troubles breathing deep an sound. Something is changing inside of me. I am not able to see what is happening…
Read more25May2004 9:24pm i can’t take this any longer the words echo inside of me voices screaming neverending something’s taking hold of me i could stop it if i wanted but feeling like this penetrates every inch of my whole being knowing i won’t hesitate senses causing endless shivers run up and down in everywhere taste…
Read morethe best is yet to come. that’s what i realized listening to van morrison`s “someone like you”. thanks to god watching over me, i have met so many people that give me a chance to make something out of me. to make me complete to make me love and feel loved. people exactly like you….
Read moreHere I stand… I was told yesterday that I am a very spiritual person. This isn’t just limited to believing in God, but also being passionate about my life. I am not religious, but I do love my life. I am trying to help a friend with hers as well at the moment. Nikki is…
Read moreOur lives. We spend them looking for so many things we’ll never need. As I read somewhere at the end of our lives, we will only be measured by two things. By those we love and those who loves us. Nothing in between. Nothing to add. Nothing to take away. These are our lives, let’s…
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