Painters always paint alone. A house by the sea. Whoever you might be, how did you know? I could walk along of where the ocean meets the land. There’d be me and my books by the open fire. In my mind I have painted that picture millions of times. A life full of colors, millions…
Read moreAm I wrong. Ernest Hemingway once said, that the rarest thing he knew in intelligent people was happiness. I got an email from a friend today and it boiled down to one simple question: Who are you really, Stefan? I don’t know, I simply don’t. My very own me is so fragile that I am…
Read moreMein Name ist Mensch. Small tears running down my cheeks. Relief. I only notice how big the pressure sometimes is when I start crying for no reason. I drove down from Villach today and for the split of a second the land, the mountains, the lakes and the whole beauty of this place spread out…
Read moreThe last day It is amazing. I am back in Finland for a week. I am having today the last day of university. Can you believe it? The last day. Then it is over and I will get my Master?s degree. But the fact that this total of six years is at end. I never…
Read moreA swedish state of mind. Sometimes insignificant things happen to you, just to realize, that whatever happens, happens for a reason. There are no coincidences. Take the last two days for example. I went to Hamburg on a press trip my alarm didn’t go off, so I missed the bus to the airport and took…
Read moreBritney says it right Come notice me And take my hand So why are we Strangers when Our love is strong Why carry on without me? I make believe That you are here It’s the only way I see clear What have I done You seem to move on easy I may have made it…
Read moreAnxiety School is almost done and I’m into the finals week next week. I have been waiting for summer for quite awhile now. There is so much that I wanna do that I’m going stir crazy. I know with Summer’s arrival I will be working more. This is a good thing for me. I have…
Read moreeveryday angels Once more Jewel: I was thinking that I might fly today Just to disprove all the things you say It doesn’t take a talent to be mean Your words can crush things that are unseen So please be careful with me, I’m sensitive And I’d like to stay that way. I have this…
Read moreEvery day life Rushing through everyday things sometimes makes you blind. Blind for beauty and the important ones around. I wish I could always see the moment and stop to just be there and share it. Say nothing, do nothing, just be there. Whit you I try even harder and whit you it is even…
Read moreNightswimming. Another full moon. To me it looks as the moon would take a dip in an endless ocean and the nameless drops of time would slowly fall upon us. Calmly sleeping by my side, you probably didn’t realize the moon, slowly passing in the window. It was him and me and yes, that very…
Read moreSunrise. I remember my life as a series of moments. One of those moments was a couple of weeks ago. My boss called me into his office and offered me to work for the paper full-time – Millions of thoughts in my head. Millions of wishes. Millions of fears as I will be posted away…
Read moreFor Leon, wherever this may find him. Fortunately I met Leon not long before I left the USA. I say fortunately, because for some reason which I cannot define in any tangible way, there is something special about him. Also, because at a time when I couldn’t work out who I was, or where in…
Read more25 golden stars. In 1995 I first saw the Austrian flag next to the one of the European Union. Exactly 50 years after World War II had ended, we ended up belonging once again. Really belonging. As of May 1st, 10 new countries will give the EU a new face, a new drive and probably…
Read moreA change towards better I’ve have been working at an ice cream shop for about a week in order to get some money. Not particularly challenging for a person who has just finished her master’s degree. But this has really made me think how many people in this world just have to do what ever…
Read moreThe grey area Do you ever ask yourself if you are holding onto things or people that are in a way self-destructive? I’ve asked myself this and I know that by the time I am asking this it is too late…I’ve already held onto someone that I should have let go. It’s very nice that…
Read moreEverything. I’ve always admired Ernest Hemingway. Keep it simple and stupid he once said, asked about writing. His descriptive and still newspaper-like style kept me chained to every line of his books I’ve read so far. I went on a short trip to Amsterdam last week. I could hear the waves brush against the bridges….
Read moreReckless Valour. On the 25th April 1915, with the world at war, a group of Australian and New Zealand troops, self-named the Australian and New Zealand Army Corp, who were part of the larger British Empire contingent, landed on the Gallipoli Peninsula. What should have been a relatively safe landing became somewhat of a bloodbath,…
Read moremy way All I wanna do in life is to be honest to myself. Try to follow my road and do the things that feel right for myself and this doesn’t mean being selfish. Being happy simply comes from inside when you know you have done everything possible for the things you have believed in….
Read moreA small milestone for me. I submitted five entries a while back for a school publishing of poetry. I just received the letter in the mail today telling that one was accepted. It is a nice feeling, to know that my work is going to be shared and felt by many. It is a controversial…
Read morethe important ones I am alone at the yellow house. Silence in the building, only me around. Feels great and feels strange. Again a mixed feeling. I don’t think I have felt any pure feelings lately. They have all been somehow shaked around and mixed. Love and hate, opportunism and pessimism, happiness and sadness, being…
Read moreThere seems to be an epidemic going on where I live; it is something that people should be a bit more careful of but it turns out that some people just don’t care. What am I referring to? STD’s. There are so many people, male and female alike, that are infected and they still continue…
Read morecreating identities Who am I? What do I want? Where am I heading? Moving abroad brings those questions over and over again in front of me. Who am I and what do I want in my life? This is one of the aspects of the post modern society. Your are creating your own identity over…
Read moreWelcome to this planet. Moving to another country is not just packing your stuff at home and unpacking it again, wherever life has taken you. It’s about recreation. Recreation of existence. Recreation of everything constant and steady in your life. Recreation of friendships. Now I am watching Sanna unfold yet again. Unfold and grow. Welcome…
Read moreL’auberge Espagnole. A long time ago it occurred to be that I have met many people in my life already and some of these I have had the good fortune to call my friends. In some cases it was for a short time, in other cases these friendships have already spanned more than a decade….
Read moreBig my secret. Quiet. Nothing moves. A vacuum of time and place. Reading what Emily wrote lately. I have never met her. And yet she is close, closer than many of my real life friends. Being hurt and never wanting to talk about it. Me, so me. Whenever I felt hurt, I turned to writing….
Read moreWhen the hurt is too much. My friend Richard just left, off to do some more work in other parts of the country before he returns to Japan. Leaving is tough at the best of times, but in his case, to come here hurt, then so did being here and now leaving brings even more…
Read more210 years to grow, 23 minutes to fall. I was only seven years old when I had my first real understanding of politics and democracy. It was with my Mum, as she voted in what I would consider one of the most important referendums in Tasmanian and perhaps Australian history. As she explained, there was…
Read moreI can shine even in the darkness. Loneliness. I remember, even as a small child I hated being lonely. Now I never did mind being on my own – alone – but I hated to be lonely. I remember crying on my 22nd birthday in Finland. In my mind, in my heart I was oceans…
Read moreEaster is coming. And it isn’t all about the bunny. I hope everyone takes the time to remember what this holiday is really about. We are all being looked upon and listened to. You never have to worry about walking alone for there is someone there to catch your fall, if you let him. I…
Read moreWhen words fail. While this was a brief moment in time – the following scene from December 1970 continues to move me. It’s in german. In order to be understood it has to be to bare all the tragedy, the violence and the senseless dying of the second world war and its countless victims. “Vor…
Read moreAnd she only sleeps when it’s raining. It’s a mere distant memory. I remember the window was open and it seemed I could here every raindrop’s single sound. Sanna sleeping tightly next to me. It was that moment I realized how much being next to someone means to me. I was probably awake for most…
Read moreAin’t that unusual. There was one more thing I noticed in Finland. Since I started working as a journalist, I felt that world would turn around me and nothing would work without me. I am so important and so is my work. Bullshit. What’s important lies beneath of being important, being someone. I noticed that…
Read moreThere comes a time… …When you decide enough is enough. This is that time for me. I’m sick of all the fake people and their endless lies. I’m tired of people pretending they care only to turn on you later after you have bared your soul to them. I only have time for real people…
Read moreOne moment in time. Back from Finland. During the last weeks I had a weird feeling. Not just a feeling that something within me is changing. But also the fact that all around us something is different. Europe is about to make history, we’re in the middle of it and don’t realize. I did an…
Read moreI love birthdays. They are like your own little personal holiday. Cherish them. When you give them up it means you’re dead so be happy that you have them. Another year older means you have another year of experience under your belt. I had a great birthday!! I was surrounded by lots of awesome people…
Read moreEver study and make yourself dumber than when you began? It’s frustrating to try and fill the area in my brain reserved for calculus when it appears that it must be full already. Overload? I dunno. I think my brain just shut off after spring break. Grrr… Well, hope it turns back on sometime soon….
Read moreJetzt wächst zusammen, was zusammen gehört. (Now what belongs together, grows together) Back where so many of my thoughts came from. Back where difficult decisions marked turnings points in my life. Back in a country that has been so far away and yet so close. Yesterday I walked through the streets here in Jyväskylä. just…
Read moreAnother year. For the first time in 4 years, it is my birthday and I am at home. It’s a gorgeous autumn day in Hobart, I would almost describe it as perfect. I’m not really one for making resolutions, but this year I know there is something that will change. From now on, I’m going…
Read moreWeave a dream. I flew over the baltic sea yesterday. Endless stretches of snow and ice. The sun mirroring in the water’s surface in the spots between. A lonely ship making its way towards east. Eight miles above the surface, all differences between countries fade. There’s no you and me. No east and west. No…
Read moreA journey back in time. And I’m leaving on a jet plane – and I do know when I’ll be back again. Though I am excited – I really am, weird feeling deep inside – how will the people have changed since I left in june? How will I have changed? Life in Finland just…
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