the important ones I am alone at the yellow house. Silence in the building, only me around. Feels great and feels strange. Again a mixed feeling. I don’t think I have felt any pure feelings lately. They have all been somehow shaked around and mixed. Love and hate, opportunism and pessimism, happiness and sadness, being…
Read moreThere seems to be an epidemic going on where I live; it is something that people should be a bit more careful of but it turns out that some people just don’t care. What am I referring to? STD’s. There are so many people, male and female alike, that are infected and they still continue…
Read morecreating identities Who am I? What do I want? Where am I heading? Moving abroad brings those questions over and over again in front of me. Who am I and what do I want in my life? This is one of the aspects of the post modern society. Your are creating your own identity over…
Read moreWelcome to this planet. Moving to another country is not just packing your stuff at home and unpacking it again, wherever life has taken you. It’s about recreation. Recreation of existence. Recreation of everything constant and steady in your life. Recreation of friendships. Now I am watching Sanna unfold yet again. Unfold and grow. Welcome…
Read moreL’auberge Espagnole. A long time ago it occurred to be that I have met many people in my life already and some of these I have had the good fortune to call my friends. In some cases it was for a short time, in other cases these friendships have already spanned more than a decade….
Read moreBig my secret. Quiet. Nothing moves. A vacuum of time and place. Reading what Emily wrote lately. I have never met her. And yet she is close, closer than many of my real life friends. Being hurt and never wanting to talk about it. Me, so me. Whenever I felt hurt, I turned to writing….
Read moreWhen the hurt is too much. My friend Richard just left, off to do some more work in other parts of the country before he returns to Japan. Leaving is tough at the best of times, but in his case, to come here hurt, then so did being here and now leaving brings even more…
Read more210 years to grow, 23 minutes to fall. I was only seven years old when I had my first real understanding of politics and democracy. It was with my Mum, as she voted in what I would consider one of the most important referendums in Tasmanian and perhaps Australian history. As she explained, there was…
Read moreI can shine even in the darkness. Loneliness. I remember, even as a small child I hated being lonely. Now I never did mind being on my own – alone – but I hated to be lonely. I remember crying on my 22nd birthday in Finland. In my mind, in my heart I was oceans…
Read moreEaster is coming. And it isn’t all about the bunny. I hope everyone takes the time to remember what this holiday is really about. We are all being looked upon and listened to. You never have to worry about walking alone for there is someone there to catch your fall, if you let him. I…
Read moreWhen words fail. While this was a brief moment in time – the following scene from December 1970 continues to move me. It’s in german. In order to be understood it has to be to bare all the tragedy, the violence and the senseless dying of the second world war and its countless victims. “Vor…
Read moreAnd she only sleeps when it’s raining. It’s a mere distant memory. I remember the window was open and it seemed I could here every raindrop’s single sound. Sanna sleeping tightly next to me. It was that moment I realized how much being next to someone means to me. I was probably awake for most…
Read moreAin’t that unusual. There was one more thing I noticed in Finland. Since I started working as a journalist, I felt that world would turn around me and nothing would work without me. I am so important and so is my work. Bullshit. What’s important lies beneath of being important, being someone. I noticed that…
Read moreThere comes a time… …When you decide enough is enough. This is that time for me. I’m sick of all the fake people and their endless lies. I’m tired of people pretending they care only to turn on you later after you have bared your soul to them. I only have time for real people…
Read moreOne moment in time. Back from Finland. During the last weeks I had a weird feeling. Not just a feeling that something within me is changing. But also the fact that all around us something is different. Europe is about to make history, we’re in the middle of it and don’t realize. I did an…
Read moreI love birthdays. They are like your own little personal holiday. Cherish them. When you give them up it means you’re dead so be happy that you have them. Another year older means you have another year of experience under your belt. I had a great birthday!! I was surrounded by lots of awesome people…
Read moreEver study and make yourself dumber than when you began? It’s frustrating to try and fill the area in my brain reserved for calculus when it appears that it must be full already. Overload? I dunno. I think my brain just shut off after spring break. Grrr… Well, hope it turns back on sometime soon….
Read moreJetzt wächst zusammen, was zusammen gehört. (Now what belongs together, grows together) Back where so many of my thoughts came from. Back where difficult decisions marked turnings points in my life. Back in a country that has been so far away and yet so close. Yesterday I walked through the streets here in Jyväskylä. just…
Read moreAnother year. For the first time in 4 years, it is my birthday and I am at home. It’s a gorgeous autumn day in Hobart, I would almost describe it as perfect. I’m not really one for making resolutions, but this year I know there is something that will change. From now on, I’m going…
Read moreWeave a dream. I flew over the baltic sea yesterday. Endless stretches of snow and ice. The sun mirroring in the water’s surface in the spots between. A lonely ship making its way towards east. Eight miles above the surface, all differences between countries fade. There’s no you and me. No east and west. No…
Read moreA journey back in time. And I’m leaving on a jet plane – and I do know when I’ll be back again. Though I am excited – I really am, weird feeling deep inside – how will the people have changed since I left in june? How will I have changed? Life in Finland just…
Read morewaiting Watching… The sun going down on me Waiting… To finally get over this thing Holding… Onto what ever comes along my way, this way Breathing the air, too cold and too hard for me -lyrics by Killer: Watching – Waiting I am waiting for Stefan. Seems to take ages before he is here. Waiting…
Read moreThere’s beauty in believing. So people keeps asking me why I sign everything with “I believe”. It’s quite simple really, technically it’s part of a song by creed – When you are with me I’m free, I’m careless, I believe. I don’t think I’m very religious in a sense that I go to church on…
Read moreWhen the violence causes silence. We must be mistaken. Where were you when 160 people died on a sunny spanish day? Why did you look the other way when senseless violence ripped them out of their lifes and took them away from their loved ones? Last week’s attack on spanisch trains are just one more…
Read moreAccidents can happen to anyone. Even me. Last Wednesday we had blizzard like conditions. I was leaving the house of a high school student that I tutor (algebra II) and I live very close to him so I decided to go home. I could still see, it wasn’t a complete white-out. I figured that if…
Read moreHow can I love you When you’re so far away? How do I hold on To all the memories? I can’t remember With all the time that’s gone by The words that you’d spoken Igniting feelings inside I find it haunting When I see you in my dreams I miss your smile I miss your…
Read morecome on up for the rising. it’s amzing how some things are equal wherever they happen. love for example. many faces and still the same thing. missing someone in your life – right now all i can do about sanna, is to tell people about her. what i feel and what i am afraid of,…
Read moreA free voice. We’ve had regional elections here yesterday. It was the first time I could vote at home. Not only was it the first time in my life I could be in the middle of it as a journalist, but also to make use of my democratic right to vote. To express what I…
Read moreOnly time can heal…But change can help to speed up the process Not so much solemn left inside me, but much more joy that has been waiting to come out for so long. I am a happy girl once again and I love every second of it. All the fighting is gone, and it’s never…
Read moreThat’s the way it’s gonna be, little darlin’. you start counting days. and recount. and count them once again. i’m so eager to go. see sanna, my friends, finland. see the people that are so close, yet so far away. can’t wait to see mikko, get a taste of my old life. walk back to…
Read morethank you and goodbye. wany gretzky once said “i owe everything i have to the game. the game owes everything it has to the fans”. yesterday was my last competitive game ever. we lost the third game of the regional finals and though it wasn’t the outcoming we expected or the best game i ever…
Read moreblank mind. Bunnyhole is virtually empty. Everything is packed, empty rooms around me. Me sleeping in between the mess. The mess of my mind and the things around me. I handed in my thesis for publishing today, packed my stuff and closed a lot of other things in my mind as well. It just felt…
Read morea lovely day. yesterday was good – i had three stories to write and it was a perfect day. a day when you do not have to construct or make up what you want to write. the words were all there, i just had to put it down. it was all in my head, i…
Read morethe journey is everything. watched jerry maguire again and though tom cruise is far away from being one of my favourite actors i still love that movie. i love the simple philosophy it bares: be closer, start thinking about the guy next to you once again. i did an interview for an article yesterday, drove…
Read moreunwell. All day staring at the ceiling Making friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something Hold on Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown And I don’t know why But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little…
Read morehonesty A friend of mine called me. Big problems in the relationship. The other one not being honest, playing funny games, cheating a bit with this and that. He really was down. Losing that relationship would mean a whole world to him. He really has no one else in this country. No one. He would…
Read moremy immortal. You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I’m bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me These wounds won’t seem to heal This pain is just too real There’s just too much that…
Read morewhere will you go. i asked myself that question a million times last night. it’s not been last night that was too much. it’s been accumulating over the last days, weeks, months. it’s your way of ignoring all those principles of loyality, trust and understanding. it’s you constantly proving that you just don’t care. it’s…
Read more10 red roses (10 reasons to love you) 1. You are the biggest loveable bunny in the world. 2. You are miserable with money, always running late, having a big mess around you: I love you because of those little annoying things as well. 3. You are the most difficult and grumpiest bunny at times….
Read more23. A year ago I was sitting home in Jyväskylä, crying on my very own birthday. Today, I don’t remember the actual reasons anymore, what I however do remember is, that it was then, I started making a decisions that I just wanted to go home. Be with the people I loved and liked. A…
Read more